Congrats on your car...sounds like you really got a deal! I hope it's fixed too. If not, and you torched the car, I want to see the video!
EWS is a PITA, no doubt about it. And for $200 I'd be thrilled that it rolls, let alone runs! Stick with it, you're closer than you think. These cars are great once they're running well. Did you check if Midnight Tuning deleted your EWS? I believe he does that but I'm not 100% sure which chips are OK. Also be sure you don't have the infamous water leak right into the DME compartment.
Did you check the resistance on the crank angle sensor? Those don't set codes but will certainly prevent the motor from starting.
Sounds like a battery issue to me. I've noticed that BMWs are really sensitive to battery voltage. I've had situations where the car wouldn't even turn on unless the battery was in decent shape. Do you have access to another car & jumper cables? I have a handy little lithium jump pack that really puts out some amps!
I've also seen a lot of BMWs with pretty crappy grounds. Disconnect the battery, check the negative wire at the battery clamp and the main chassis grounding lug. If it's even slightly corroded, brush it clean with a wire brush or battery tool until it gleams. Don't put any goop on it, just bolt it back in clean & dry. Also check the ground strap off the block and engine mount. If that ground strap isn't good it can't carry enough amps for the the starter. Flex it a little to test it out, they can corrode from the inside out.
Did you check for solid +12VDC power at the starter terminal, '+' positive jump starting terminal, and/or primary alternator terminal?