Yep, I know you're talking about the main connector at the firewall. That big round barrel connector is called C101. It's important for most of the engine to chassis connections. There are a few other wires you need to connect depending on early or late production E30. Check the glove box for that little C136 connector.
The more I dig into this, the more contradictory info I get. Seems that there were annual changes in the E36 electronics. There are also two different HVAC systems in the E36 (IHKA and IHKR). Given that there were two different motors too - M42 and M44, there are a lot of potential combinations. The '96 E36 ETM I'm looking at has MANY different connections between the HVAC controls and the DME, as well as the vehicle lighting, transmission computer, security system, etc.. I think you'd need the donor's option list to puzzle this out...if it's even possible to drive the E36 DME with the E30's simpler HVAC electronics. Many of the E36 connections also use a digital signal to communicate, not an analog voltage like the older cars.
I'd be strongly in favor of using the E30 DME & motor harness with the E36 motor. That might be the easiest way to solve this problem.